From the Obituaries: Cycles 1-4
We mark, with regret, the passing of recent cycles. Each cycle reached the cap, locked for the celebration phase, and reset. The reset is the death. The next cycle is the life. The cycle is, in this sense, exactly as the bar: continuously available for consumption.
TrustFundTrevor
Cause of close. ambition without warning.
Survived by the press article /press/whale, which named him in the headline and made him part of the lore.
Services held at the bar. No flowers were requested or received. In lieu of flowers, the family asks that visitors send dollars at the rate of one dollar per 0.01% of remaining cap.
whale_watcher
Cause of close. cap drift outpacing more committed bumpers.
Survived by an Auditors briefing dated the same week, the leaderboard position formerly known as second place, and a working theory that closing the bar is a calling, not a hobby.
Services held at the bar. Reported in the four-cycle recap at /press/report.
ferrari_owner_btw
Cause of close. maintaining a leaderboard position requires regular bumps; the bumps caught up to the cap.
Survived by a still-leading totalSpent column and a classified ad in /press/classifieds offering the top of the leaderboard for lease, asking rent more than $1,847 and rising.
Services held at the bar. The deceased was last seen approaching the cap in burst mode and is presumed to have closed honorably.
page_owner_soon
Cause of close. anticipation becoming action.
Survived by the unfulfilled implication of the handle. The handle promised a future. The future arrived as a cycle reset.
Services held at the bar. Mourners in attendance numbered between two and forty, depending on which Auditor is counting.
Earlier closures (provisional)
Cycles before the bar opened did not occur. We mention this for completeness, and because the Auditors have asked us to clarify.
Upcoming notices
Cycles five through eleven (finishline_andy, diamond_hands_69, will_finish_it, rent_money_gone, last_dollar_bumper, wagmi420, we_are_so_back) are scheduled to close. The schedule depends on real bumpers, phantom contribution, cap drift, and the asymptote feeling. We will report each as it concludes. Cycle twelve wraps the rotation and TrustFundTrevor is, by precedent, expected to close it again. He is unaware of this expectation.
From the editors
Some readers have asked whether closing is a form of dying. We think not. The cycle does not die. The cycle resets. The cycle will close again. The cycle is, in this sense, exactly as the bar itself: continuously available for consumption.
In lieu of flowers, send dollars.
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